Monkey's Haircut

One of Monster’s rich uncles was going to be in town and wanted to take Monster and his friend out to dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Monster looked at Monkey who was sitting on the bookcase, reading a book. The fur on her head fell over her ears and her eyes. He said: “You need a haircut.”

Monkey did not hear him because she was reading a thrilling book about pirates.

Monster said “Hey Monkey!” a little bit louder.

She still didn’t hear him so he yelled “Bananas!”

Monkey looked up and said “Argh, matey!”

“I think you should get a haircut.”

“A haircut?”

“Yes. Your fur is covering your eyes. That could be dangerous as well as untidy.”

“I don’t mind dangerous!” said Monkey. “And I don’t like to be tidy. Besides, I have never had a haircut before. Will it hurt?”

“No, of course not!”

Monkey did not believe Monster. It’s not that he was untruthful. Monkey knew that Monster was a honest as an encyclopedia.

But Monkey also knew that often when someone told you that you would not be hurt in a very confident voice it was because that someone was usually much larger than you were and had a demonstrated history of being impervious to a great deal of pain.


“I will take you to my very own barber. Barber Todd.”

“I don’t know Barber Todd.” Said Monkey.

“He is the best barber on our block.” Said Monster. “I have been going to him for years.”

“I didn’t know you had a barber, Monster.” Said Monkey. “Actually, I didn’t know that you had any hair.”

Monster looked hurt. “Of course, I do. I have three!”

He bent over so Monkey could see the top of his head. Sure enough through his scales, between his horns, there were three small hairs.

“Ah, I see!” said Monkey. Which was true.



“And it will be good to get out. We have been in the apartment all week.” Monster said.

Monkey, who did not like the cold, looked out the window. The wind was howling outside their apartment and the snow was smacking against the window, making muffled sounds like your grandmother’s kisses.

“Please?” asked Monster.

Monkey knew that if they went outside, Monster could read all of the front pages of the newspapers in the newsstand on the corner. And she could catch snowflakes on her tongue.

“I will do it because you want to, Monster.”

“Oh good! Get your jacket,” said Monster, “and we shall go!”

Monster put on his boots, coat and scarf. In the summer he often wore a paper bag on his head so as not to scare the passersby. But in winter, he didn’t bother because he just wrapped his scarf around his horns, he looked just like everybody else in the city.

They stood together at the apartment door.

“Do you have your mittens?” Monster asked.

“Yep.” Said Monkey, who did not actually have them with her but knew where they were because she had left them at the ice skating rink a couple weeks ago but didn’t want to tell Monster who had given them to her for a Christmas present. She was wearing fuzzy socks on her hands, which were tucked in her pockets.

“Do you have your key?” asked Monkey.

Monster said yes, which was true because the key to the apartment was on a string around his neck always. Even when he took a shower because he never wanted to be locked out.

“Do you have money?” Monster asked.

“Money?” Monkey asked back.

“Yes. A haircut costs six dollars.”

“Oh!” said Monkey. “I didn’t know that.”

She looked down at her toes. She had spent all her money that week on comic books and copper wire for science experiments. “I don’t have six dollars!” she said sadly.

“Oh.” Said Monster. He did not have any spare cash either. He was saving his money for a trip back to the volcano where he had been born.

“What will we do?” asked Monkey mournfully.

“I don’t know.” Said Monster. He looked at Monkey even more sadly.

Monkey hated to see Monster sad.

“I know!” she said. “You can give me a haircut!”

“Oh! Oh.” He said. He closed his eyes.

She could tell that he was thinking hard.

He scrunched up his horns. She held her breath and waited. And then he said:

“I suppose that I could. I guess.”

“Oh yes!” said Monkey.

She threw off her jacket and ran to the kitchen, coming back with a large, sharp knife. “Here you go!”

“Um,” said Monster. “I think scissors would work better.”

Monkey leaped to the art supplies drawer and came back with a small pair of scissors. They were too small for Monster’s hands, but he could operate them with the tips of his claws. Monster put a chair on the kitchen table and Monkey climbed up into it.

“Are you sure this won’t hurt?” She asked.

“Oh yes, I’m sure!” Monster took one of Monkey’s hairs in one claw and snipped. “See?” He showed Monkey a little bit of brown fur.

“AAAAHHHH!” She screamed and jumped up and down, knocking over the chair. “That’s my FUR!”

“Monkey – it’s just a little bit! I’m only going to give you a trim so you can see!”

“I don’t like this!” she hollered.

“Sit down! It will just take a minute!” Said Monster sternly.

“No! No! No! You’re going to cut off all my fur!”

“No, I won’t!” yelled Monster.

“Yes you will!” yelled Monkey. She jumped off the table to the window, trying to open it up to get to the fire escape. You were only supposed to use the fire escape in an emergency since they lived on the fourth floor. But this was certainly an emergency.

Monster peeled her from the sash and sat on her as he trimmed the rest of her fur while she was yelling.

“mmmfhfdgyeedghjmmnhjkl;poi8uytrfdcvjk!”

Finally he said: “There, you’re done!” And stood up.



Monkey stood up and patted her head. “I still have fur!”

“Of course you do! I didn’t cut it ALL off!”

“Oh.” She said.

He handed her the polished silver hubcap that he used as a mirror when he polished his horns in the morning.

“Ohhh.” She said. “I do look nice!”

“Hmmmf” said Monster

“What?” asked Monkey.

“I missed a spot by your ear.”

“I can’t see it.”

“But I can.”

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not. Hold still!”

Monster lunged with his scissors, Monkey dodged them – but the wrong way! He accidentally cut her left ear.

“Owwww! That hurt! That hurt!”

Blood was coming out her ear and Monkey was crying and saying “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Agh! Blood!” Monster hated the sight of blood even though it wasn’t that much. He felt dizzy and fell over onto the floor. His feet wiggled in the air but then he was silent.

“Oh no!” said Monkey.

She ran to the freezer and got out a gallon of ice cream and put it on his forehead.

“Agh! Cold!” said Monster, waking up. And then he sat up and said “Thanks.” And then “I’m sorry I cut your ear.”

“That’s OK.” Said Monkey, who’s ear was still bleeding a little bit making little red polka dots on Monster’s tummy.

And then Monster wrapped his scarf around Monkey’s head and gave her a hug and a kiss and said that he was sorry again.

He got out two bowls and two spoons and made a banana split sundae for Monkey, cutting the banana without peeling it, just the way she liked it. He let her eat the sundae while reading her book too.

Monkey caught the reflection of her bandaged head in the hubcap and said:

“Hey, I look like a pirate!”

“Hey you do!” said Monster.

And so they had a spoon sword fight until all of the ice cream was nice and melty.