Monster's Message

Monster woke up happy. The night had been a good one. Somewhere in the city there must have been a fire or a bad traffic accident because the sirens from the emergency vehicles had blared for hours, soothing him like a lullaby. Monster lived right across the street from a fire station because he loved the sound of sirens so much. They reminded him of his mother singing to him when he was still in his egg.

The morning was going to be a good one, too, he thought as he crawled out of bed. The day was cold, grey and drizzling - just right. He ate some pigeons as he waited for his cup of sludge to stew. The zombie rats who lived under the stove poked their noses out and he tossed some leftovers to them. They squeaked appreciatively, disappearing back under the stove to fight over the juicy bits.

After breakfast, Monster dusted bits of feather from his scaly hide, sharpened his claws and flossed his fangs with some special steel wire that he liked because it was rust flavored. He shined his horns and did his scary face exercises in front of the mirror. Then, with his briefcase in one claw and a copy of the Wall Street Journal in the other, Monster was ready to go to work.

On a normal morning, Monster would exit the trapdoor of his apartment and make his way down the regular building stairs before stepping out onto the busy sidewalk to join the other big city commuters on the subway.

But this was not a normal morning.

Once Monster stepped out onto the sidewalk, he stopped suddenly in his tracks. There, scratched into the cement - well, it had been clawed into the cement - was the monster secret mark! A dark X glowing with a thin film of green slime was carved into the pavement right in front of the door to his building. The mark was intended for Monster and it meant only one thing - Something was up! Something important! Something urgent!

Monster called his boss on his cell phone and said that he had an emergency and would not be able to come into work until later. Then he went back into his building and took out a key, which opened up the door to the basement. Monster walked down a flight of stairs and surveyed the contents of the basement in the dim light of a single, dusty lightbulb: an old washer and dryer, a dented smelly trash bin, some dusty cardboard boxes, a grimy bucket holding a mop and, against the far wall, a laser powered retinal scan security lock coded to Monster's DNA. The security scanner quickly authenticated Monster, opening a hidden sliding steel door, which revealed another set of stairs. These stairs went even further down, down to a secret passageway that connected to a labrynith of tunnels underneath the big city.

This secret tunnel smelled dank and moldy like a thousand socks that had gotten wet at the beach and then were sealed up in a plastic bag, only to be found many years later. Torches mounted to the bare stone walls magically erupted into flames and extinguished themselves as Monster passed by. Monster walked purposefully, feeling nervous, excited and fearful, his head dizzy with thoughts about what the signal could mean. The path sloped downward and he felt himself walking faster and faster, almost jogging now. He tried to slow down, because it he needed to remember the right twists and turns to take to get to the Monster Message Cave. Otherwise, he could get lost in the maze of interconnecting passageways.

Two chubby dwarves emerged from an intersecting side tunnel, startling him. He almost stumbled right on top of them. "Yo, dude! Watch it!" They yelled at him.

"Sorry." said Monster sheepishly, holding onto the rock wall to regain his balance and stepping aside as they passed.

A dozen bats flew past him, heading in the opposite direction, whooshing through the air above his horns. His ears popped a bit as warm, sulfurish smells tickled his nose. He knew he must be getting closer!

Monster turned a corner and finally he could see the glow-worm lights that marked the Message Cave. He hurried up to the cave's entrance where a fat gnome sat at a security booth with a phone, a flashlight and a walkie-talkie.

"ID please." The gnome said, not looking up much from the security monitors.

Monster fumbled around for his driver's license and handed it over.

"I'm sorry, but it's expired." said the gnome with a bored expression.

Monster groped through his wallet anxiously and found the little card that the DMV had mailed to him with the extension notice and handed it to the gnome.

"OK, go on in." said the gnome, glancing up briefly and then pressing some buttons on the panel in front of him.

Monster entered a large, well-lit cave filled with bats and the hunched over imps who were tending to them. One entire wall was covered from floor to ceiling by numbered cubby holes carved into the rock. He approached a wingless purple imp who sat behind the counter with a worn beret pulled over his spikey ears and introduced himself, showing his ID again.

"Hmmm," said the imp, looking at a list of names. "Must be that message from Monster Island. Slot 274." The imp turned and climbed a ladder to reach into a slot, pulling out a large brown bat who looked sleepy and irritable. The imp tugged at a little band around the bat's tummy, and tossed a small reddish-brown capsule to Monster, then he shoved the bat unceremoniously back into the cubby hole.

Monster was a bit perplexed. "Um, it's not a scroll or a stone tablet?"

The imp gave Monster a bit of a look and snorted. "This here is an interdimensional message, you know, it came via a specially bred hyperspace bat. Monster Island doesn't exist in the normal Earth space-time continuum, pal. The message has been condensed."

Monster was still confused. He turned the tiny cylinder over in his claws. He sniffed it. It smelled like dirt. He realized that he had started sweating again.

"How do I read it?" He asked.

"Just add water." The imp said impatiently.

Monster still didn't understand. He hated it when it seemed like everyone else knew what to do and he didn't. But he couldn't figure out what to do so he just stood there with his head down, his eyes blinking rapidly and uncontrollably.

The imp sighed. "Here, I'll show you."

He gestured to an area which was apparently the reading room for urgent dehydrated interdimensional messages. A long stone table was carved from the rock walls. Glow worms in glass orbs were placed at intervals on the table. There were some comfortable-looking smaller, flat-topped rocks lined against the table that looked like they could be used for sitting. Monster, following the imp, could see that shallow rectangles had been carved into the table surface, about an inch deep or so, to make a space that could easily contain a large open book.

The imp took the capsule and placed it in the center of the recess. Then, he tugged on a chain, which caused a thin stream of water to flow over the table and into the carved out recess, soaking the small message glob. Instantly, the capsule started to expand and spread out, absorbing the water, filling up the shallow rectangle in front of them and slowly solidifying into a rather large clay tablet covered in scratches.

Monster was delighted. "Gee, thanks!" he said happily.

"No problem" the imp replied as he returned to his desk to help the next customer who appeared to be a rather large lizard standing on his hind legs, sporting a trench coat and chewing on an unlit cigar.

Monster watched, fascinated as the message formed in front of his eyes. He recognized his father's handwriting in Monsterish. (Here is what it looked like. Below it is the translation into English.)


"Dear Monster -

If you get this message, it will mean that Monster Island has fallen in battle from enemy attack. Do not try to contact us or find us or your own life will be in danger as well. You must be very careful from now on! it is the mission of our foes to eliminate monster kind from existence entirely.

Signed - The chief Monster
Dad

PS - There is one thing that I must tell you now. you are not our son. Your egg appeared at our doorstep and we know not from where you came.

PPS - Your mother says no matter what happens, remember to floss your fangs every night."


"Dear Monster -

If you get this message, it means that Monster Island has fallen in battle from enemy attack. Do not try to contact or locate us otherwise your own life will be in danger as well. You must be extremely careful! Our foes will stop at nothing to eliminate all of monster kind from existence entirely.

(Signed)
The Chief Monster
aka Dad

PS - There is one last thing that I must tell you. You are not our son. Your egg appeared at our cave one day and we know not from where you came.

PPS - Your mother says no matter what happens, remember to floss your fangs every night."


Monster didn't know what to do or think. He was absolutely stunned. Monster Island invaded by enemies? Which enemies? And his family was captured or gone forever? And his family wasn't his family? He was ....adopted?? He reached down to take the tablet, to read it again, to have something to hold, but the reconstituted clay tablet was too thin and frail, the pieces chipped off and fell into fragments. He watched the message crumble onto the floor.

And then he heard the imp, who was poking him in the ribs, saying "Hey, buddy, you done yet? We got a big party here who wants to send out wedding invitations. Would you mind moving over?"

Monster nodded numbly and walked slowly towards the exit, each step a huge effort as if it was all he could do to keep moving, stumbling under the weight of his unbearably heavy heart.